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K–12 teaching and learning · from the UNC School of Education

Valentine's Day: Love it? Or love it not?

Don't let holidays overwhelm the focus on learning.

By Kristi Johnson Smith

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The First Year
Essays on the author's experiences in her first year of teaching: the mistakes she made, what she learned from them, and how she used them to become a better teacher — and how other first-year teachers can, too.
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Brace yourself. Valentine’s Day is approaching.

No, I’m not talking about bracing yourself emotionally. I’m talking about bracing yourself professionally, because it may be one of the most chaotic, heart-wrenching days you experience at school.

My first year, the day was spent listening as some kids were paged to the office to pick up balloons and flowers — and watching as other kids felt left behind. Several of my classes were disrupted by students who had to leave because they were on the “carnation committee,” a group that raised funds for the school by selling flowers. The students who remained in class were interrupted by the carnation deliveries. “Oh, Tamara! Two people sent you flowers! Just wait until they both find out!”

By the end of the day, no one was focused on learning. The kids were focused on whether Tamara’s suitors would engage one another. I was focused on preventing on the fight. No one was focused on the kids who left without anything to show for the day spent at Valentine central. They had spent a day in the background, watching others receive balloons, teddy bears, flowers, and candy. So much for my classroom message that everyone was equally valued. That day, the room clearly displayed the social hierarchy a teacher’s words could not challenge. As much as I tried to fight it, many kids looked around the room at some desks covered in gifts while theirs remained empty, and they felt divided into a group of loved and loved-nots.

The problem pervaded the school so completely that during January of the following year, our administrators announced that no one would be allowed to exchange Valentine’s gifts in the school building. That proclamation lived for exactly one week, then was killed by an announcement over the loudspeaker one early February morning:

Due to economic concerns of the florists and other business owners in our small community, students are allowed, even encouraged, to exchange Valentine’s Day gifts at school on the fourteenth of February. Personal exchanges may take place between classes, but all office deliveries will take place during the last fifteen minutes of school.

It was better that year, but still difficult. I have never received so many requests to go to the office to see the nurse or make a phone call or anything else that would allow students to glance at the soon-to-be delivered items and their gift cards. Happy Valentine’s Day? Right. I just wanted to go home.

Getting through the day

I don’t know what your school’s policy regarding Valentine’s Day will be, and I don’t know what you’ll decide to do in your classroom. I know that some elementary school teachers have students create cards for one another. Some secondary school teachers require that any gifts that students bring into class be stored behind the teacher’s desk for the duration of class. In any case, Valentine’s day is often not an ordinary school day! Here are a few ideas about how to make your students feel safe and valued on that day in your class.

Ask a colleague what policies your school has regarding Valentine’s Day. If your school has a policy against Valentine’s distributions, respect it. If not, consider how to best manage the day. If your students are creating Valentines for each other, require that each student make one for everyone else, plus an extra in case a new student arrives or a classmate is forgotten. If your school interrupts class time with deliveries, hold them all for distribution at the end of class. If you can invest some of your own resources, consider giving everyone a small chocolate heart — not something big that they have to explain was “from their teacher,” but something that makes each feel acknowledged. (You can buy bags of them at any grocery store.) Regardless, let your students know how you plan to manage the day in advance.

And throughout it all, remember it is a school day, and the focus should still be on learning. If there will be gift distribution, compartmentalize it so that it becomes a distinct, small, final section of the period, and insist that until then everyone focus on coursework. Also, consider how the emotions of your students and potential chaos of the day should affect your lesson plans. As much as I value collaborative activities, I have found that on Valentine’s Day, there is too much gossip to distract students who are supposed to be engaging in group work. It tends to be a day of teacher demonstrations and individual learning in my class.

Investigate what the day generally means in your school and what you want it to mean in your classroom. Be thoughtful about whether you should allow the results of that investigation to affect how you structure that particular day’s academics.

And finally, on a personal note, have a Happy Valentine’s Day. Consider this a verbal chocolate heart from me to you, inscribed with the words “Thanks for looking out for our students.” They are fortunate to have you, especially when you make a special effort to consider how to convey the sense that they are valuable members of the school community — on Valentine’s Day and on every other day that they are in your class.