First draft/final draft

Students will compare paragraphs with and without elaboration and descriptive details. They will learn how to revise their own writing by adding descriptive details such as adjectives, adverbs, concrete nouns, and precise verbs.

A lesson plan for grades 3–5 English Language Arts

By DPI Writing Strategies

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Related topics

• Learn more about Amber on the Mountain, compare and contrast, editing, language arts, literature, novels, revisions, and writing process.

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Learning outcomes

Students will:

• identify descriptive details such as adjectives, adverbs, nouns, and verbs that are added to a final draft.
• Students will revise their own writing by adding descriptive details.

Teacher planning

Time required for lesson

45 minutes

Materials/resources

1. Amber on the Mountain by Tony Johnston
2. Transparency of 2 versions of the first paragraph of Amber on the Mountain: the “First Draft” un-elaborated version, and the author’s version
3. handout for each student: First Draft Text (pdf | rtf)

Technology resources

Overhead projector or some other projection device

Pre-activities

Before the lesson, read the first paragraph of Amber on the Mountain. Decide which words and phrases to delete or change to make the writing very plain and undescriptive.

Activities

Modeling/Mini-lesson

1. Put the transparency of the 2 versions of the first paragraph on the overhead, with a piece of paper to cover the paragraphs. Uncover the “first draft” version and read it aloud to the students. Tell them that this version might have been a “first draft” that Tony Johnston wrote. Have them listen carefully and try to picture what’s described.
2. Tell students that good writers revise their writing to provide details that help form pictures in the reader’s mind. Next, uncover the real version, the “final draft,” and read it aloud to the students. Have the students listen and compare the two versions. Highlight details that help students form pictures in their minds.
3. Ask the students what differences they noticed. Share ideas such as: It uses specific descriptive adjectives and adverbs, concrete nouns, and precise verbs.

Guided Practice

Distribute Handout # 1- “First Draft Text.” Read the draft aloud. Have students work with a partner to create a final draft at the bottom of the page that makes the text more interesting. Have students add descriptive adjectives and adverbs, concrete nouns, and precise verbs. Remind students that the details should be relevant to the main idea and should move the story along. Details and elaboration should create pictures in readers’ minds that are related to the story. Pause 5-6 minutes for students to work. Share as a group.

Independent Practice

5. Have students find a piece of their own writing and select a place to add specific, relevant details that move the story along. When finished, have students share their work with a partner. Allow five to six minutes to work.
6. Have students share a section from a partner’s writing where relevant details were added. Allow two to three students to share.
7. Closure: Using the samples shared, remind students that the details added were specific, relevant, and important to the main focus.

Assessment

• Can students add descriptive details (adjectives, adverbs, concrete nouns, precise verbs) to a first draft of a paragraph?
• Can students revise their own writing by adding descriptive details?

Supplemental information

• Writing Feature: Support & Elaboration
• Writing Process Stage: Revising
• Writing Environment: Expressive
• Writing Genre: Personal narrative