Names Essay: Grade 12, Sample 2: Organization

Organization

The paper is well organized, although the second paragraph may not seem so at first. The paper logically takes us from naming at birth to naming during a eulogy. The writer's transitions are effective between paragraphs, and ideas progress logically to a conclusion.

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The introduction mentions three names without repeating the exact wording of the prompt. The writer immediately involves the reader in the name that he will carry until he dies.

Organization The paper is well organized, although the second paragraph may not seem so at first. The paper logically takes us from naming at birth to naming during a eulogy. The writer's transitions are effective between paragraphs, and ideas progress logically to a conclusion. To view specific comments, position your cursor over highlighted text or paragraph numbers.	1 Everyone has one name. Some people have three by the time they die. Some more. The initial name typically comes from one's parents after weeks or perhaps months of deliberation. They inscribe it on a form at some hospital making you officially you. The government is now aware of a new individual and this individual will never escape it's terribly long and tremendously powerful arm. This new creature will find it somewhat easier to escape the ones he loves such as his parents but even if they die one is still bearing the name bestowed upon him at the moment of his ceremonious reception into society.	The introduction mentions three names without repeating the exact wording of the prompt. The writer immediately involves the reader in the name that he will carry until he dies.
	2 The names that we initially receive at birth are sufficient to identify who we are until about the age of five when we take a step farther out into society. Our partially developed character begins to interact more readily with others and is given more opportunities to do so as school begins for the first time. In the classroom we are immediately given other names, either our teachers mispronounce them or our classmates insult us at recess. These are not the second names that stick to us and since they don't stick I don't really even classify them as names. At that age I remember that I would forget the bad things that happened at school as quickly as I could turn on a TV after school. It is the names our friends give us that stick because we trust them and respect them as much or more than our parents. The names they give us are spoken when they describe us to other people for example: "Oh Travis? He's that guitar player who..." or "He's this science fiction maniac that likes to..." Our friends, who hold us responsible for all of our actions, but only describe us by our appealing characteristics, are giving us our second names.	This paragraph is organized around the idea that names are developed from our classroom experience. Although the writer seems to get off topic in these sentences, he returns to the main idea of the paragraph.
	3 A little later in life, perhaps in our teen years, we begin to see a new ability in ourselves to not just name others but to stand outside of our bodies and name ourselves. In other words we begin to understand how to build a reputation for ourselves. At this point we know what we want the third name to be. We want it to be A+ Eulogy material. I wouldn't mind being named in this way at my own funeral:	In paragraphs 3 and 4, the writer completes the development of how we receive names by giving his own eulogy.
	4 "He was a gentle soul who gave more than he received and his music which inspired us to feel deeper and try to see our world differently will send ripples down eternity, making his finite life of infinite value"
	5 Our names are three in one by the time we die. They are different and earned in different ways but all point inescapably back to our singular identities which take a lifetime to discover.	The writer repeats the focus of the paper and draws it to an end.